Jan 16:Reflections on hosting

I thought it would be helpful for those who may consider hosting in the future to summarize some thoughts about the whole experience:

1. First, I think our experience went extremely smoothly, probably easier than I ever expected. Sergiy and I only had one disagreement where he went to bed not speaking to me (instead he waved goodnight as he lay on his stomach with his head in the pillow). That was over taking to bed my cellphone. He wanted to play a game. But my cellphone has internet access and I wasn't going to risk him using the internet so my "no" stood. But the next morning, he came downstairs as if nothing had happened. Usually when told "no", he would give a shrug of his shoulders and say, "ok".

2. One of the hardest decisions was who to host. We considered several. And when you finally make that selection, you automatically decide (obviously) NOT choosing the others. That weighed on me a bit, but you can't host everyone.

3. I think not having TV on for a week was a good move. Especially as hosting proceeded, we learned how much this kid loved movies. Some TV is fine but I didn't want him sitting in front of the TV all day.

4. I had made a list of items in Russian phrases of "house rules". We went over them in the beginning and left them in his room. And we did as we were encouraged in training and followed a schedule that was pretty regimented in the beginning and then we loosened up as we went along. He went to bed the first week pretty much at 9 but gradually loosened it after that. It was good to start more strictly at the beginning.

5. We did an "English" class pretty much every day. We used livemocha.com. I think it was very helpful for him and he seemed to enjoy it. The other thing we did was to name most of the common items around the house such as furniture, silverware, etc. And we used elementary school readers that he could read from most days. After 5 weeks he made the most improvement in reading and he could understand much more than he could speak.

6. The biggest difference over time was his appetite. He ate like a bird for the first few day. Gradually it picked up over time till at the end he was eating like a typical 14 yr old...all day long. He never developed an appetite for sugary stuff, candy and the like.

7. The hardest day is the day of departure. It is very hard to leave the house and to come back to the house without them. Of course, the last hug before they go through to security is very difficult.

8. What would I do differently? I wouldn't get to the airport so early on the day of arrival. As long as the weather is good, you know that customs is going to take some time after they arrive. Because Sergiy had a 10.5 hour flight, we knew what time he was going to arrive in Chicago. We got there way too early and had a really long wait that was stressful. I would go to the airport the day before departure and not the day of departure. Even with good weather, you know you have to make that flight and it is pretty stressful worrying about what if the car has problems, what if there is a wreck and the road gets blocked, etc. etc. It wasn't worth it. Next time, go early and rent a hotel room.

9. Before we did this I had two people ask me the same question: Why would you take a child and bring him here to experience all of what we have and then send him back to a life where most of that is unreachable? Good question. Let me answer it with a quote I read a while ago: "Orphans are easier to ignore before you know their names. They are easier to ignore before you see their faces. It is easier to pretend they're not real before you hold them in your arms. But once you do, everything changes.


In closing, I would ask you to do the following:

1. Really consider hosting a child for the summer. The next hosting period is from the end of June to the beginning of August. The New Horizons team will be going over very soon to interview and finalize the list of kids who can come if they find families to host them. The list will be out in early spring!

2. Tell your friends and family about New Horizons for Children. Their website is:
www.newhorizonsforchildren.org You never know who might want to do this. I heard about it almost by accident. If you know of anyone that would want to know more, feel free to call me, I would love to visit with them.

3. If you can't host, then consider helping someone financially to host who wants to.
It costs $2,500 to host a child and then there are expenses while they are here. Deborah and I had a few people who contributed to our hosting fees and we are, fortunately, in a position to pay the balance. Not all families who would really like to host are in the financial position to be able to incur this type of expense.
Seriously, if you can't host a child, let it be known that you will help someone who will. I think the money scares some people away. It would be a great thing to have a group of kids to be able to come to central Iowa for summer hosting.

Jan 15, 2011

We took Sergiy to the airport and the plane left two hours late. It is up in the air whether they will make their Kiev connection in Warsaw, Poland. I hope their connecting flight is an hour late...I will check in the morning to see.

Last night, Sergiy did not want the day to end. He slept on the couch in the living room and did not want the TV off or the lights off. He kept saying that he didn't want to go back. I finally had to turn everything off at midnight and told me him needed to go to sleep because he had a long trip ahead of him.

I woke him up at 6:30 am and the first two words out of his mouth were "No Ukraine". We left at 7:15 and stopped to eat a good breakfast at Perkins's on the way. He was fine until about 15 minutes away from the airport. "No Ukraine, no airport, no internot (orphanage)". He wasn't being defiant, just stating he really didn't want to leave. He kept telling Deborah over and over, "no cry". I think he was very afraid of crying in front of others.

Leaving at the airport was tough. We checked him in and got his baggage through and had about 25 minutes to get him something to eat at McDonalds. Then it was time for final hugs and goodbyes before he walked through security. He didn't shed a tear but walked through showing his passport and turned a few times to wave to us.

It was harder to leave the house with him then to say goodbye at the airport but a tough day for sure.

Jan 14, 2011

The final day we have him at home. Today was packing and getting ready to go. Deborah worked quite a while to get his suitcase under 50 pounds. The backpack has all his snacks and some extra stuff that wouldn't fit into the suitcase. But it isn't too heavy. Chicago won't be bad but we don't know how long the trek is between gates in Warsaw and then at Kiev. We are getting up and leaving by 7:30 am so we can arrive at least 3 hours before departure.

He must have told me 10 times today, "No Ukraine" and telling me how great America is.

It is obvious he wants to stay but we covered that last night that to stay isn't an option. He understands that part of it. We had a friend of Deborah's come over tonight who speaks Russian and help translate for us about how we packed, that luggage gets handled quite roughly so radio controlled cars just might arrive damaged and made sure he understood it is a 5 hour trip to Chicago (he slept on the way here). We made sure he understands that we will write him letters and we understand that he will probably not be able to communicate with us.

I think the number one thing he will miss is being loved on ALOT. Secondly, he will be hungry. I am sure he will not be able to eat the volume of food (and the frequency) that he has done here. He is just finishing his second supper of fried potatoes and fried chicken strips washed down with a large glass of apple juice.

Jan 13, 2011

The next to the last day....today we had a birthday party for Sergiy. He actually turns 15 on Sunday, the day he will land in Ukraine. Jake and Lacey came over for dinner with Shara Fish joining us. Andrew came over late this evening as he had classes until late.

We had a supper with all of Sergiy's favorites: fried chicken strips, mashed potatoes, broccoli and bread and he had three different kinds of cakes to choose from. Deb wasn't sure he would like a "typical" chocolate birthday cake so she made some other options. He had ballons, hats, birthday candles to blow out and presents.

Tonight he told me when I was downstairs with him, "Poppy, you Ukraine, mom Ukraine, babushka Ukraine, Buddy Ukraine (Buddy is our dog), home Ukraine". I guess he realizes he has to go back so we should move their with him!

Jan 12, 2011

Today was the first day that Sergiy came out and said he doesn't want to go back to Ukraine. Deborah and I were sitting in the living room with him after supper watching a movie and he just said it. I told him that we didn't have a choice, we agreed to have him visit in our home and we also agreed that on Jan 15th we would take him to the airport to go back. I think the next two days is going to be hard for him. Also, as he was on the couch tonight he just popped out while we were watching a movie, "I love you poppy" and "I love you mommy". He hasn't been too free to say that type of thing, it is the first time he has actually said that to us.

We played basketball this afternoon and on the way home I could tell he was in deep thought. I wondered if he was thinking we don't have much time left. He has been telling me how many days are left this week. Tomorrow we are going to celebrate his birthday with a meal and a small party afterwards. So he is looking forward to that.

Tonight as I went to his room to say good night I told him on the translator "we will pray that we can see each other again". Great words that Paula (our coordinator) suggested to use when the subject comes up. He said he understood what I had written and told him that is what we will pray and encouraged him to pray in the same way.

Jan 11, 2011

We got up early this morning and snow blowed the driveway. Afterward Deborah cooked us some breakfast. Sergiy has discovered summer sausage which he loves. He ate some for breakfast and has snacked on it through the day. Another cold and snowy day, watched some old movies like "Ice Age" and "Rin Tin Tin". This afternoon, Sergiy was invited over to Levi and Riley's house to go sledding and play with the nerf guns and radio controlled cars.
We just had supper, spaghetti and meatballs, which at first he didn't seem too enthused about. He went back and got a huge plate for seconds. For dessert, tort courtesy of Shara Fish. Now we are going to watch a movie. Sitting on the couch next to Sergiy as he snack on calamari.....he knows how gross I think that stuff is!

Jan 10, 2011

Today was a snow day. We ended up watching a few movies. In the evening, Andrew, Sergiy and I went to the pool to swim for about 90 minutes. Andrew did a flip off the diving board which Sergiy tried to do. The first time he did pretty well, the second time he landed on his back. It stung...he said ouch...and it was the last flip he did for the night.

Jan 9, 2011

We went to church this morning and Sergiy went downstairs to a class which was a first for him. Usually he wants to stick pretty close to us. Shara Fish, who taught his class, thought there might have been some confusion as to the purpose of class and where exactly soccer fit into it!

In the afternoon, we went to Des Moines with Riley and Levi Collins and saw the 3D version of the latest Narnia film. It was a first for Sergiy and I think he enjoyed it.

Jan 8, 2011

Today we took Sergiy to the Monster Truck Jam in Des Moines. I had never been to one myself. We were warned to take ear plugs which we forgot but fortunately, Deborah found some for sale at the Events Center. We had great seats and it was about a 2 hour show. Sergiy liked it and took the rest of his pictures that he had left on his disposable camera.

On the way there, we stopped at a Eastern European grocery store that someone had told us about. Sergiy saw dried calamari for sale and really wanted it. So we bought it and some type of Ukrainian cakes. Both things were only $5.00 so it wasn't expensive. He liked the cakes and has really liked the calamari. The problem is....the calamari smells terrible! Right now we are sitting on the couch watching "The Night at the Museum" and he is eating it right beside me. The stench is terrible. He keeps asking me if I want some....no thanks.

We also shopped today to complete buying some clothes before he leaves. He needed a few more things and we had to exchange some jeans that were a bit too small. His favorite purchase was some camouflage pants. We also bought some birthday gifts and will be having a birthday party on Thursday. We got an off brand mp3 player and picked up a plug adapter combined with a voltage thig a ma jig that will allow him to recharge it with their different electrical voltage. Hopefully he can manage that but I know that many kids have cell phones and keep them recharged.

Jan 7, 2011

The big event today was to go to the sale barn and watch the cattle sale. Some of our friends, Dan Dennison and Joe Kearney, were selling some of their calves. So we went out to the sale and the first thing we saw was someone selling Australian Shepherd puppies. Sergiy wanted to hold one for a bit and at $200 a piece holding is all that was going to take place.

I thought he might have been getting bored and offered to go but he wanted to stay longer. He liked watching them butt each other and get a little fiesty in the pens. He came home and told Deborah what had happened by "acting out" in charades what the calves were doing in the pen.

We watched the first Narnia movie tonight. He told us that he had seen it once before in Ukraine so he understood the movie even though it was in English. I have really been surprised how much he likes movies. I thought not knowing English would be a huge barrier to him enjoying movies but it doesn't seem to impact it. We are hoping to go see the new Narnia movie before he leaves. It is in 3D and we haven't yet been to a movie theater since he has been here.

Tomorrow we have tickets to go to the monster truck jam in Des Moines. A commercial came on TV today and after seeing it, he is very excited about going.

One more week....and he flies back to Ukraine...

Jan 6, 2011

Deborah was home today so she cooked us breakfast. Sergiy has taken to a liking of fried eggs so that's what we had.

We went to the store and when we got back Jake and Lacey had arrived. Jake, Sergiy and I went to the driving range in Grimes where Jake coached Sergiy in golf. I hit a few, Jake hit more than I did, but Sergiy did most of it. He finally agreed to change his grip to the way Jake taught him (most of the time). He had a great time but you could tell he was getting tired after an hour or so.

We stopped for the McDonalds fish sandwich per usual.

For dinner tonight, Deb made roast beef, mashed potatoes, broccoli, corn and Sergiy ate very big portions and went back for more potatoes and beef. He really likes broccoli a lot. When we went to the store he wanted strawberries and apples (which weren't on the list). He has eaten almost all of the stawberries already and selected two of the biggest apples I had ever seen....At least he likes fruit for a snack.

Since most of the Christmas candy is gone, he doesn't eat alot of sugar. I asked him if wanted to spend some of his gift money on candy twice and he said no when we were standing right in front of it. The other day, I had him try a milkshake and he didn't like it because it was too sweet.....I don't have a grid for not liking milkshakes.....

Jan 5, 2011

Well, Sergiy had never been to McDonald's for breakfast so we decided to go today. However, he wanted to do English class first thing so we went through two readers and did some vocabulary. I have noticed in the past few days that he is doing more "parroting" of what I say....saying phrases instead of just single words. It was interesting when he was talking to his Ukranian chaparone on Sunday (who is also the director of his orphanage) that when she must have asked him a question, he would immediately say, "yes", and then correct himself to say the Russian word for it, "da".

After that we went to the rec center to play some basketball and kick the soccer ball around. During our soccer play he kicked the ball, I was trying to block and he kicked it to a direct hit on my mouth. I thought for sure I would have a split lip but it didn't even draw blood. The poor kid felt terrible but I told him it was no problem, it was an accident.

In the afternoon, I thought I would try the library. He has little interest (maybe no interest) in books. We kind of walked through. Tried to get him to look at some animal books...not interested. Got a book out on how to draw monsters (he loves monsters)...no interest...but when he saw the DVD section I lost him. This kid loves movies. So we picked a few and came home.

He now goes to the chicken house ahead of me to collect eggs and is always sure to take Buddy with him.....

Jan 4, 2011

Today, Sergiy finished building his last 4 rockets. Andrew came over this afternoon and helped him launch them in the area behind our house. There was so little wind, Sergiy was able to retrieve all 4 of them. You could see them go up and then watch them fall back to the ground.

Sergiy wanted to watch some movies and finally wrote on the translator that he was "hunting for monster movies". After looking on Netflix, I couldn't find any I was very comfortable with so I ended up taking him to Family Video for the first time. He ended up wanting to rent Jaws and Jurassic Park.

We watched Jaws with Deborah which he enjoyed. I don't think that he had seen it before but had seen Jurassic Park in Ukraine. He told me (through the translator) that he had seen it in Russian and was having difficulty understanding the english in the movie.

One odd thing that always happen when he is outside is that he always notices jet trails and points them out. I don't know why but he always scans the sky for them and tells me about them and says, "Aeroplane".

It is hard to believe there are only 10 days left. We told him today that we are planning an early birthday party for him on Jan 13th. He actually turns 15 on the 16th, the day he lands back in Ukraine. When I was showing him on the calendar, he pointed out the days remaining and told me he leaves on Saturday, Jan 15th. I wonder how much he is thinking about how many days are left in the hosting trip. I am trying not to think about it at all....

Jan 3, 2011

Today Sergiy was definitely improved. He slept in later than he had on any day yet. He must have just had a virus because he looked almost back to his usual self. We didn't do too much today...ended up a movie day. I looked for some movies my son loved. One he watched was the Never Ending Story. He asked for another one but I wasn't sure if it was good or not so I said no. He takes "no" so well, let's it roll off and doesn't argue or even pout.

Andrew came over late this afternoon and gave Sergiy a Christmas present. Andrew had bought him some Estes model rocket engines. He then brought over all the items to help Sergiy build some model rockets. They got two built this evening and had a night launch. There was no wind so they came down very close to the launch site.

Now it's Animal Planet time. Small pets show..he is teaching us the russian word for "parrot".....

Jan 2, 2011

Last night Sergiy had a low grade temp which was still here this morning. So, he and Deborah stayed home from church this am. He has been on the couch most of the day and watched some movies. We had big plans to go to the movie today but that will have to wait. He is feeling better this evening and Buddy is sleeping at his side on the couch.

Jan 1, 2011

We had an easy day today. We all slept in since we stayed up very late last night. Sergiy helped Deborah cook breakfast today. He went with me to the Lot this afternoon and learned to play foosball.

Tonight we all made our own pizzas for supper. Jake and Lacey are here to spend the night and lead worship tomorrow. We are finishing up the day watching America's Funniest Home Videos...